I remember feeling anxious before making the phone call, although not as anxious as I might have expected. But what sticks most in my mind years later is how the phone call ended. It was the late 1990s. I was deputy editor of the NZ Listener and I had to ring a guy for a story I was working on. A guy who at intermediate school had been part of a group of boys who had bullied me. Badly. On and off over a two year period.

Bullying casts a long shadow. It changes you; impacts your confidence, how you handle conflict, how you see the world. I’m sure I’m far from the only person in the past 24 hours reflecting on their own experience of bullying in this country.

I can only imagine the impact it would have had on the Year 9 student who suffered a beating at the hands of National MP Sam Uffindell and his Year 11 mates at Kings College, Auckland, 23 years ago. Asleep in a dorm, away from home, and assaulted by a group of older, bigger boys. Uffindell told Checkpoint he punched the boy 4-6 times on the arm and body, leaving him bruised and leading to Uffindell being “asked to leave” the school.

I use the word ‘assaulted’ because an attack like that is a crime, something that would likely be taken to police these days.

Uffindell said the beating was the “dumbest, stupidest and most regretful thing I’ve ever done”. He said as well as the emotional and physical harm he did to the young boy at the time it had hung over his life and been a source of shame for years. Bullying casts a long shadow, and not just on the victim.

At the end of the phone call I made to the man who had bullied me 18 years earlier he hesitated, like he was about to say something. I remember a feeling of trepidation, wondering if he was going to raise the elephant in the room. Then, nothing. He suggested he had something else to say to me and that might call me again. He never did.

So Uffindell’s willingness to call his victim 22 years after the attack deserves some respect, whatever the motivation. Uffindell says it was motivated by genuine remorse and was made before Simon Bridges resigned from parliament. Before he knew he’d have the chance to stand for the Tauranga seat. But anyone around politics knew that Bridges’ future was likely to be away from parliament, so the timing alone is no indication on its own as to whether the apology was motivated by remorse or political strategy.

Uffindell’s language about how the attack has haunted and changed him, about his conversations with his mother over the years and his desire to call his victim and put it right upon his return to New Zealand last year will more likely resonate with many voters.

But Uffindell faces new problems today – and over the next two weeks as he is investigated by Maria Dew QC. New claims have come to light that several years later at university he was still a bully.

A woman who flatted with the Tauranga MP in 2003 has told RNZ he was “verbally aggressive” - calling her “fatty”, amongst other things – and banging on her door one night to the point where she had to climb out the window and run to a friends’ house. She said that was “the straw that broke the camel’s back” not an isolated incident. Her father, who came to move her out of the flat the next day, said Uffindell “was out of control”. Uffindell denies the claims.

If the second allegation is verified, Uffindell’s political career is over. He had categorically told the public the Kings assault was the whole story and it had changed him. If his violent behaviour extended beyond high school, then he’s misled the public and his party; it’s hard to see him surviving that. Especially given National’s struggle with badly behaving MPs in recent years and its need to put to bed the public perception of a party that doesn’t practice the values it preaches.

New Zealand voters can be a forgiving bunch. Many will look at punches thrown in high school and be willing to put that down to those difficult teenage years. Many of us have thrown a punch or done things as kids that we’re not proud of. And being forgiving is no bad thing. We want a warts n’ all parliament of real people who have made mistakes, learnt lessons and know how to empathise. We want everyone – even bullies – to be able to admit mistakes and have second chances. And we need more people to admit to being bullies and to say what they did was wrong. We want to believe in repentance and redemption. But those two things are crucial; there must be genuine repentance for a representative of the people to expect redemption.

The bullying revelation leaves National with three political problems. First, Uffindell’s decision to tell the party but not voters before the by-election raises serious questions of judgment. Questions for both the MP and the party. The party has to answer why then-party president Peter Goodfellow and current MP Todd McClay knew of the assault and said and did nothing. And why they didn’t tell party leader Christopher Luxon. Not telling the leader provides him with plausible deniability, but is that good enough?

As for the MP himself, the key question is why he didn’t own up during the by-election campaign earlier this year. ACT candidate Cameron Luxton was open about a “drink-driving incident” when he was a teenager. When asked about his biggest regret in life, Luxton admitted to breaking the law. He says Uffindell’s answer to the same question that day was his regret he hadn’t moved back to New Zealand sooner. Uffindell had the chance to respect Tauranga voters with the truth and chose not to take it.

Second, it comes at a bad time for National. After a successful annual party conference and poll result, this again raises questions of character when it comes to National Party MPs. As former National MP Jami-Lee Ross appears in court charged with masking large donations to the party, it reminds voters of National’s array of flawed MPs – Todd Barclay, Andrew Falloon, Hamish Walker… Christopher Luxon wants to attach these sorts of issues to past leaders and needs voters to see these as ‘National then’ not ‘National now’. He needs to be seen to be presiding over a new culture.

Finally, it undermines National’s attack on the government as “soft on crime”.

In the past month Police spokesman Mark Mitchell has accused Labour of being too “permissive” of violence. Justice spokesman Paul Goldsmith said in a press release just three weeks ago that communities across New Zealand are feeling scared of “dangerous acts committed by youth”. He continued, “Labour must stop the culture of excuses they have used for too long. They can start by ensuring youth offenders face consequences for their actions… “Offenders must be identified, caught and held accountable for their actions.”

Voters will now be asking whether that ‘tough on crime’ approach is merely for poorer, browner members of society or whether it extends to members of their own caucus. And if Uffindell can seek forgiveness and learn from his lessons, why can’t youth offenders today?

Uffindell deserves credit for picking up the phone and apologising to his victim, but bullying casts a long shadow. And Uffindell isn’t out of that shadow yet.