This is a shameless attempt to attract media coverage for a relatively obscure blogsite. Please print my story - it's about a gay Labour MP.

It would be nice if more people read the Pundit website. I suspect one of the major reasons why they don't is that not a huge number of people have heard of us. (Another problem concievably could be that those who have heard of us just don't like what we write here, but I'm going to hastily turn my face away from that possibility and hum a happy tune.)

So, here's my brazen effort to score some cheap publicity for Pundit by getting the New Zealand Herald and/or stuff.co.nz website to mention us. After all, it appears that anything anyone wants to post on a blogsite about a gay Labour MP automatically counts as news for these media sources, whether or not there is any substance whatsoever to the story (see here, and here). I'm not sure whether this "if someone puts it on a blog, it is news" rule applies to straight Labour MPs, or to gay non-Labour MPs, or even to straight non-Labour MPs, but I don't want to risk finding out that it doesn't - so here we go now.

Last Friday I travelled out of Dunedin to Auckland to go and see The Pixies in concert. (For those of you not of "a certain age", The Pixies were the "it" band of the late 1980's/early 1990's for a particular kind of 'Varsity student eager to show how deeply alternative her or his cultural tastes were.)

Having prepared myself for the concert in the traditional fashion at the Occidental in Vulcan Lane (another cultural reference point of a particular time), I got to the venue just 5 minutes before the band was to begin playing. Now, I needed some further Crown Lager to fuel my arrhythmic bouncing (aging white men surely cannot dance), and I had paid $750 for my ticket on the secondary market, so I was entitled to get it quickly. So I pushed up to the front of the drinks line to get served.

"Excuse me", came a deep voice from behind my shoulder, "but there is a line here - you need to take your turn."

I turned to see the hulking form of Grant Robertson, Labour MP for Wellington Central, glowering menacingly at me. But his bully-boy tactics were not going to intimidate me. So I told him how much I had paid for my ticket, and turned back to the counter.

Then came a tap on the shoulder. "I don't care how much you paid – we're all queuing for drinks and you'll have to wait your turn! Don't be so rude!" growled Robertson in his best impression of an irked Grizzly Bear.

I turned again with withering retort at the ready, only to be met by angry glares from the three people directly behind Robertson. One of them I am sure was a teacher (I can just tell), while another had dreadlocks and probably voted Green. I know just what sort of violence these lefty types will turn to in order to get their way, so I began to fear for my safety.

What is worse, a Samoan security guard, attracted by the noise these lefties were making, took an interest in proceedings. Not surprisingly, given the Pasifika peoples' traditional support for Labour, he took Robertson's side in the dispute. My heated remonstrances about the unfairness of this action then resulted in my uncerimonious ouster from the Vector Arena. From outside, The Pixies sounded a little muted.

So – journalists reading this blog – here's the story. Grant Robertson, Labour MP for Wellington Central, denies a hard-working, concert-going taxpayer the full fruits of his private wealth by invoking the Labour Party's ideological dogma of "equality" and "fairness", and is supported in his unreasonable and partisan-motivated actions by members of the teachers' union and eco-terrorist fringe. Said hard-working, concert-going taxpayer is then cast out of the building by a biased, unreasonable security guard, while Robertson, clad in his cloak of privilege and entitlement, gets to enjoy the concert (no doubt from a golden, fur-lined litter positioned directly in front of the stage, resting on the backs of a dozen strapping bearers).

I think this is well worth an 80-point bold headline above the fold. And don't forget to mention Pundit as your source.

* Note to all but journalists: whilst I did indeed attend The Pixies' Auckland concert, as did my old and dear friend Grant Robertson MP, I have taken liberties with (i.e. made up) most other parts of the above. But that should not in any way, shape or form prevent it being treated as valid "news".

Comments (5)

by Claire Browning on March 16, 2010
Claire Browning

Friggin' brilliant. I abase myself before you, Andrew. Absolute gold.

by Andrew Geddis on March 16, 2010
Andrew Geddis

If only Robertson would do likewise, all would be right in the world.

by Dean Knight on March 16, 2010
Dean Knight

Priceless!

by Tim Watkin on March 16, 2010
Tim Watkin

But did you make up the $750 stuff? I knew of people offering people offering tickets at cost on the day of the gig. I'd hate to think of a poor provincial boy like yourself being ripped off in the big city.

And if Grant had popped you there and then, would the headline have read, 'Cheeky Dunedin monkey gone to heaven'? (I know it's a reach, but this post is begging for a pun and it's the best I can do at short notice!)

by Andrew Geddis on March 16, 2010
Andrew Geddis

Tim,

We Dunedinites are quite capable of looking after ourselves ... I paid with a stolen credit card, so what do I care how much the ticket was? And if Grant had hit me - not, I hasten to add, that he is the sort of person to do such a thing - I'd have gotten a Broken Face.

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